Your personal white t-shirt
Cracks
You would think that given the amount of time I have been stuck inside I would have written this days ago. But all week I was overwhelmed with a wave of procrastination the likes of which I have never experienced before. Mostly because everything I wanted to say was so ANGRY. A little angry at myself, for various reasons, mostly feeling like I should be doing MORE right now. Lots of angry at other people for doing things I presume are wrong (like I’m some sort of medical/economic expert over here now), and angry at people who want things to seem normal.
Anger is perhaps the emotion my body most naturally turns to when I am actually sad, or frustrated, or grieving. And anger can be incredibly useful, even underrated when you think about it, because the opposite is apathy, and that is the worst way to be. But right now, it isn’t really helping me or galvanizing me. So I’m spending more time reminding myself “be KIND to people, including yourself” and my brain is like “Okay bitch, FINE!”
It’s been a deeply stressful few weeks for everybody, and it is more than overwhelming. The other day my boyfriend (fair warning, I mention him two more times in this letter and believe me you can’t hate me as much as I hate myself for doing that, but also I have no other interactions in my life rn) mentioned that we’re almost to “white t-shirt season”, which is a time when he buys exactly three white Hanes t-shirts and proceeds to wear them every day it’s above 75 degrees. I found myself weirdly heartened that there will be things to look forward to in the future. It can’t all be scary, all the time. We can all keep our “white t-shirts” in mind and hold tight to that.
Theme music for this newsletter
Shoutout to my boyfriend for introducing me to “Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft” by the Carpenters, a demented slice of uneasy easy-listening.
Pigeon report
I was taking a walk through Middle Village, in a stretch I’d like to call the littlest little Italy, and I saw my first pigeons of the week (maybe the one silver-lining to social isolation), looking impetuous and proud that they could gather in a large group. Leave it to these guys to take pleasure in our collective pain.
Grade: C, because I C U, U shady birds
Photo: (Me)
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
I have the utmost love and absolutely zero respect for Liam and Noel Gallagher of Oasis, and nothing brings me greater joy than listening to them drunkenly fight with each other. Do I care for the music of Oasis? I mean, ummmmmmmmmmmmm it’s fine, it’s just British rock and roll which is all more or less okay on a level we can all tolerate (don’t argue with me about this in a day, pretty sure I’ll have changed my mind by then). I even think Wonderwall is kinda good. What is BAD is the dude-bro playing it around a campfire in 9th grade, who then tells you there’s a pimple on your nose and laughs at you.
This is unimportant though. What is important is that Liam Gallagher is isolated in his mansion and clearly absolutely blotto and having a great time drunk-posting on Twitter. It’s weirdly calming reading his stream of consciousness unpunctuated rants and I highly recommend it.
Answer: I think he’s gonna be just FINE
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
This oil painting of Steven Tyler is most certainly the abyss and the abyss is EYEING the hell out of me right now. There’s something about this take on Steven Tyler that makes him look like one of those “big eye” Margaret Keane paintings that live in various Grandma’s homes, and it is absolutely terrifying. This man, and I do not say this lightly, will not MISS A THING. He will watch you and then come out of this painting and straight up murder you too.
Photo: Screenshot
Hints from Hellouise
Handing over the hints to Brian LaRue this week to explain his absolutely dope and delicious recipe for hummus which I asked him to share with the people because the people are HUNGRY.
Hummus is easy, and the hummus you make at home is (potentially) both cheaper and better than the hummus you can buy at a grocery store. It’s so easy that it doesn’t even need a long personal essay to set it up. I also have to watch word count because of this e-letter format. Anyway, the idea of actually measuring anything for hummus seems a bit silly, because there are just a few core ingredients (chickpeas, tahini paste, olive oil, and for this walk-through let’s say lemon juice and garlic and some salt and pepper and parsley), and you can kinda make it up from there based on your personal tastes. Rough guide for proportions: Take one of those 29-oz cans of chickpeas, drain off and set aside most of the liquid from the can, and dump the chickpeas into a food processor. Add about a half cup of tahini paste, maybe three or four cloves of garlic (crushed), maybe a quarter cup of olive oil, and the juice of a hearty lemon. Add salt and pepper a few sprigs of fresh parsley. Puree at low speed, or maybe high speed, I don’t know. Taste it and add more of anything you think it needs. If the hummus looks and feels too thick, pour in some of the chickpea liquid until it reaches your desired consistency. Chill for a while, and serve with some chopped parsley on top and another modest pour of olive oil, or whatever. I can’t tell you how to serve hummus. So. That’s like, intro-level hummus. If you want to get more adventurous the next time out, you can add pretty much anything you want before pureeing. Olives? Sundried tomatoes? Jalapenos? Whatever you do in the privacy of your own home is… utterly beyond my comprehension tbh.
Shit you really ought to read
Truthfully I think most of us are inundated with various stories about COVID-19, so for now, I am trying to suggest things outside that scope. We all need a brain break sometimes and there are still interesting stories happening! With that, don’t you wanna hear all about the Kinfolk drama? Surprise, feminist capitalists are still capitalists. Your new hero, Lupe Hernandez. You ever really think about the meaning behind pulling half of your hair up?