Yes sir I can boog
Ever since I learned about the Swiss Boog Man, an exploding snowman set on fire each spring to herald the changing seasons, I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s so relatable, to the point where I think I might be the Boog Man, or at least that’s how most of April felt. I mean, come on, look at this guy! Mondays, amirite ladies?
Literally how I feel every day having to face reality once again.
Theme music for this newsletter
Okay if I’m the Boog Man, then my soundtrack is for sure all of Jonathan Davis of Korn’s scat-breaks.
Pigeon Report
A pigeon, once again asserting their authority and control over our lives, laid an egg and built a “nest” in the bedroom of some poor unsuspecting person in our fair city. They say New York isn’t dangerous anymore and then you see things like THIS, and I don’t even know what to think.
The first thing I find offensive here is that this pigeon has offloaded their offspring to a human to care for, with absolutely no concern for the welfare of their progeny. The second thing I find offensive is that this is what a pigeon considers a good nest? I know some people are committed to the dreaded minimalist aesthetic, but this is a stick too far. Or really, a stick not far enough because this nest is the equivalent of Kim and Kanye (RIP their “love”) frightening minimalist mansion.
Can you imagine suddenly having a pigeon-baby hoisted onto your life? Who has the time or wherewithal? I for one would immediately put in for maternity leave, because there’s no way I could balance a pigeon and anything else at all. Happy Mother’s Day to me, I guess.
Grade: F! Are you kidding me with this nest?
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
Presented without comment:
Answer: She seems…good!
Ephemera I’m into. Each week I highlight some random historical ephemera I’ve discovered that is probably only interesting to me.
I think of my life as being in two distinct halves. The first half, and then the second half, which is every waking moment after I learned about The Noid. For those not in the know (the noiw?) The Noid was a Dominos (the pizza you just ended up with, but never purposely chose,) mascot with a truly cursed visage, a sub-humanoid cryptoid from hell itself. So obviously the ideal mascot for Domino’s. So truly damned was The Noid, a man took over a Domino’s in 1989 and held several people hostage in retaliation. The only thing more exciting that year was the fall of the Berlin wall.
As if 2021 hasn’t been bad enough, The Noid is coming back. Why? What did we do to deserve this??????
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
I regret to inform you there is literally 0% chance of this NOT being used by some weird sex thing by whoever buys this off Craigslist.
Shit you really ought to read
I’ll use any excuse to talk about Josie and the Pussycats. I love Bowen Yang so much. Sorry egg salad is good. Somebody buy me this drawing of LaToya Jackson right NOW!!! The COVID reporters are not okay.