Well, I have a new nemesis
Cracks
I’m struggling to come up with a cute intro this week, because I am not feeling very “on” and sometimes, just typing words in succession will have to suffice. Let’s get to it then.
Theme music for this newsletter
Fromis_9-Love RUMPUMPUM. I’ve been on a deep K-Pop kick this entire month and I love this song because it sounds like a lost Stacey Q banger.
Pigeon report
My workplace recently moved further midtown, near the towering Hudson Yards fortresses and now that I’m working in a fancier place the pigeons seem fancier too. They’re shinier. They aren’t eating trash, I mean, they’re checking out the trash but I haven’t seen any pigeons with meat in their maws and that’s new for me. Guess money can buy you class.
Grade: B for pigeons participating in capitalism, I guess?
Photo: (Google screenshot/Me)
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
I have no idea who Machine Gun Kelly is. His name has occasionally popped up in the ambient background buzz that grows louder the older I get, but I never knew who he was before this week. The buzzing sound also includes about a dozen SoundCloud rappers, the “Dolly Parton challenge” and the Netflix show “You”. Do not explain these things to me, I haven’t asked you to.
But then I saw this video of Machine Gun Kelly behaving like a teen in a commercial for yogurt, dancing on a conference room table to his own song during a meeting with Interscope. I suddenly needed to know everything because whatever this man “has”, I HATE it. To add a stabby-pokey feeling to the burny-hatey feeling, said song was made with the non-alien truther member of Blink-182, Travis Barker. I was forced to do some digging and his music is BAD. It sounds like the theme music for a bully in middle school, or like Hoobstank redux. Oh my god also he made a movie with Pete Davidson? The human embodiment of a Supreme hoodie!!!! YOU GUYS. I think I have a new nemesis. I’m crying. This is amazing. I’ve needed one so badly.
Well, knowing all this makes me realize how fully insane this video is. This has to be a scene from an early-aughts Disney channel TV show, right? And while I have little sympathy for anyone who gives this guy money, how awkward was it for everyone at that table? I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands. I barely know what to do with my body during meetings in an office as is. Who would I have made eye contact with?
Grade: F, plus detention for everyone involved
Photo: Flickr/aliina s
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Okay, I have a few questions. I found this in the “free” section and I need clarification. Are their birds free, or should we bring them birds? How many cages are in this room, because right now there are a LOT and they look occupied by ONE bird. I get the feeling this person is a bird serial killer and this is a trap. Alternately, maybe they are doing the lord’s work because people are always losing parakeets and whatnot.
Photo: Craigslist Screenshot
Hints from Hellouise
I had an overwhelming urge yesterday to recreate a cabbage and shrimp taco I had (and loved more than most people) in Mexico City, but didn’t really know how to search for the recipe given that I am not really sure what it was to begin with? Anyways, I tweaked this recipe Google vomited on me, and it was excellent but it will never be that taco.
Ingredients
One small purple cabbage, shredded
Some carrots, shredded
Some radishes, shredded
Enough onion, diced small and whatnot
A bunch of cilantro, you know how much you want
Cumin
Salt
Some jalapeño chopped tiny like hamster food or something
Red wine vinegar (enough)
Olive oil (more)
Whatever delicious hot sauce is hanging around I used Cholula but wish I had tried something stronger in retrospect
Lime juice
Put it together and party
Shit you really ought to read
No One Knows Amy Sedaris Better Than Her Brother David-Elle. I’m sorry to break it this way, but the very IDEA of Amy Sedaris dressed in Comme des Garçons, shopping at Barneys with missing teeth, IS my new way of life.
The First Drag Queen Was a Former Slave -The Nation. Damn this is an amazing piece on queer protest and 19th century drag and now I need a whole book on this story right now.