Wallowing in cheese

Oof, long time no see y’all. Been a little too distracted the last few weeks to have anything thoughtful to say, and frankly, I just felt like stepping back while more interesting conversations were going on.

That said I also do not want to imply I’m sitting around wallowing in white guilt. I swear to god if I see another white person pretending that they ever celebrated Juneteenth before this year I will bite my tongue off LITERALLY. I prefer to wallow in other things anyways (soft spreadable cheese mostly), but it is such an intense and exciting moment and why the fuck would you need to read about pigeons right now I don’t know. But it is not like I need you all to come along for every step of any educational journey I might take to be less complicit in racism/be less racist. I’ll save that for my priest (Happy Father’s Day!).   

Here is an actual photo of me trying my best:

Theme music for this newsletter    

I DECLARE THIS THE SONG OF SUMMER 2020!!!!!!! TIME FOR SOME “BBQs” and “Hanging out with friends,” AKA SITTING ALONE AND DRINKING BOXED WHITE WINE ON MY DECK WHILE WATCHING THE TWO CARDINALS IN THE BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     

Pigeon report       

I discovered a lady in my neighborhood who purposely feeds pigeons in one of the many tiny town squares in Ridgewood. Lady, I appreciate your generous spirit but why must you encourage a literal orgy of pigeons fighting each other for seeds, ugh vomit in my MOUTH. Little beady eyes bigger than their shrunken bird stomachs. This woman thinks she’s “feeding the birds” ala’ Mary Poppins but really she’s funding a Roman blood feast.

Grade: F, are you kidding me??? Defund the police 100% but right beforehand put this woman in jail for encouraging the pigeons.

Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers      

It has been a wild rollercoaster watching bosses and celebrities get called out for fake solidarity with #BLM when it turns out they are…not great themselves. And I am not trying to take pleasure in it because mostly it’s messed up and a bummer because people suffer under these jerks. BUT the schadenfreude was REAL when everyone came for Lea Michele (she of Glee…and umm…?)

This video someone made in two minutes gives a pretty good rundown. She has grated on me for years, everything about her screams “theater kid in your chem class wearing an Avenue Q t-shirt who wouldn’t stop singing Rent songs and you had to end up finishing the project even though you literally cannot math and you’re both def getting a D on this assignment. ”

Answer: She is not doing well, but I’m feeling validated. As they once used to say: You.Love.To.See.IT.

The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently   

  This was in the lost section, which pretty much sums up how I feel about this.

Hints from Hellouise               

I love a summer beverage. This lavender lemonade recipe is delicious and super easy to make. I am not into super-sweet drinks, and this has just the right balance. Also I am a certified farmer now and grow my own lavender so basically this was 100% organic except for everything else I put in it.

Shit you really ought to read         

Let’s not put all our feminist eggs in one basket, shall we? Cops targeting Black US journalists is nothing new. Living with Bipolar while working in childcare. Also I finally got “Wow, No Thank You,” by Sam Irby from the library and it is a perfect book.