Uncle Tony's Reptile Shack
I just finished my annual President’s Day meditation/retreat, where I eat an enormous amount of ice cream in the middle of a Monday and fall asleep for almost two hours, wake up in darkness not knowing whether I exist on earth or some astral plane.
Really all you need to know about my state of mind is that the last thing I screenshot on my phone is this:
Theme music for this newsletter
I don’t know why it took me so long to get into Sylvester because I feel like I have been doing a disservice to myself by not listening to this every morning of my life.I’ve always liked his style, but I guess I needed to be in my 30’s to really “get” disco, though lords knows I’ve been trying since I forced my parents to buy me “Disco’s Greatest Hits” at a Tower records against their will when I was ten.
Pigeon Report
Briefly side-stepping pigeons (in the way that I sidestep them while walking down the street) this week to speak to the latest news with the anti-pigeon, doves. Doves are pretty, and make a pleasant “coo”, and who doesn’t love a “coo” in your ear?
An especially pleasant dove was Divinity, one of the doves that belonged to Prince. Sadly Divinity died this month at 28 years of age. Despite the slight age gap, I believe Divinity belongs to the “27” club with other rock and rollers and I hope she’s in heaven pecking the fuck out of Jim Morrison’s eyes right now. I’ll tell you what, I’d rather listen to a dove cooing in my ear for 4000 years than have to make it through “L.A. Woman” even one more time in my life.
Grade: A+, pour one out for a real one
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
It’s genuinely heartwarming to know that Mr. Worldwide has Britney’s back, or to quote him directly, “She has to get a chance to live her life. She has to get a chance to control her own destiny and create her own future. So with that said, from Mr. 305 Mr. Worldwide… Free Britney!”
Also, that NYT doc about Britney Spears is super informative and depressing, I highly recommend it.
Answer: He’s alright but Britney isn’t =(
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Honestly, without seeing this and absolutely no outside information, I would have said with 100% confidence that there was at least ONE “Uncle Tony’s Reptile Shack” in NYC. I imagine Tony is a lot of fun at family gatherings during the holidays. I believe, no, I know, that he has Christmas scarves for his geckos.
I’m not really a “reptile” person (sorry to my #herpheads out there) but I have the utmost respect for Tony’s dedication and love for his lizards and baby turtles. As a bonus to me, I am now getting recommendations on Instagram related to falling into a #herpsofinstagram wormhole.
Shit you really ought to read
Losing family to QAnon. An Illinois town left to fend for themselves under deeply disturbing circumstances. Ugh this jabroni.