This one has a timely Calvin Coolidge dig
Here’s a (non-comprehensive) list of song titles that seem like they’d do well in the 1920’s:
My Baby’s Got (Scabies)
Get off that flagpole and sit with me
This Ford’s got nothing on my nag
Nothing, not even fascism, could stop me from loving him (Charles Lindbergh)
BABE, why don’t you tell me the tRUTH
He loves me (Because I douche with bleach)
You’re the cat’s pajamas: small, furry, and MINE.
Put down the giggle juice and try this chuckle tonic
I don’t know your onions, but I do know Steven Onions
Honey, don’t go ‘Silent Cal” on me tonight
Theme music for this newsletter
All the people in the 1920’s who just read that list are:
Pigeon Report
If there’s one thing in this messed up world that’s going to put me on the side of pigeons, it is a gender reveal party. Because if there’s one thing, I hate more than a dusty-assed pigeon, is your dusty-assed, busted-ass, ass-backwards, GENDER REVEAL PARTY.
I doubt I need to explain to you how stupid a gender reveal party is, as you can figure that out based on it’s very name. However, in addition to perpetuating weird gender stereotypes, 75% of all forest fires in the last decade seem to have started during gender reveal parties. “But Bebe,” you say, “it’s just a fun way to celebrate our soon-to-be-born.” Okay, fine, then have a freaking baby shower like everyone else. Nobody needs to give your Uncle Roy an excuse to bust out the Soviet rocket launcher he illegally bought on the dark web so he can shoot out blue confetti, consequently setting fire to the Sequoia Forest. And nobody needs to see you and your farty husband open an Amazon box haphazardly covered in wrapping paper so one pink balloon that says “FUTURE HOUSEWIFE” sadly rises up into the sky, hitting an electric wire and starting a fire that burns down Yellowstone. We just don’t.
So, you can imagine my confusion, and then anger when recently a pigeon was found in NYC, completely dyed pink. At first, I, like, most of us, just assumed the pigeon was experimenting with a newly discovered punk phase. But that was not the case. Apparently this pigeon had been roped into some gender reveal scheme and forcibly dyed. If that wasn’t bad enough, the pigeon died, from the dye afterwards!!!!? I mean…that’s so wildly depressing I don’t even have a good quip for that.
So whoever you are…whatever demented family dyed this pigeon. I will find you and I will avenge him. I will find you, and I will forcibly dye you, and then I’ll make you eat fried chicken that’s been sitting on the ground a few days, and shit on someone’s head, because that’s what pigeons do.
Grade: F for toxic gender essentialism *Drops the needle on The Artist FKA Puff Daddy’s “I’ll Be Missing You”
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
Erykah Badu falls into that category of musician where they’re less a “human artist” and more like “beautiful alien creature who’s made a temporary home on earth.” Others in this category include Kate Bush, Bjork, Linda Perhacs, Connie Converse, Nina Hagen, Eartha Kitt, among others.
So keeping that in mind about Erykah, this video tour of her “Badudio” makes a whole lot more sense:
I don’t even know where to start because I love this video so much, I have already started regularly peppering parts of this video into regular conversation. I’m never NOT thinking about the Badudio anymore. I love her haunted piano/keyboard, that conveniently also has produced some “hauntingly beautiful songs.” I love her infrared sauna, complete with a car CD stereo she stole three decades ago. I love that I now know “F” is the key of the universe. I love that she was gifted an instrument during her third ayahuasca ceremony. I love her ceremonial bowl that is also a purse.
Answer: I love this, and nobody is doing better than Erykah in the Badudio.
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
I should apply for this gig, right?
THE ENDORSEMENT
ANARCHISM.
I’ve been reading a book about foreigners who came to Spain during the Spanish Civil War to fight with revolutionary forces as a sign of solidarity and to take a stand against fascism, and you guys, I think I might be an anarchist? Like, the five days Anarchists had control over Madrid, it sounded fuckin’ sick. I’m not being facetious!!!! I want what they had!!!