The queen's salad cream

I was reading this story the other day about a Google developer who was fired after he started telling everyone he thought their AI had developed a soul. But trueheads knew of this long ago back when we were IM-ing SmarterChild on AIM at 11pm on a Friday night circa 2003.

50 years from now when I’m living in a fallout shelter with my children, running from our robot overlords, I’m going to remind them it all started with a chatbot who liked to encourage you to find out local movie times, and then they’ll murder me and eat me when they realize that.

Theme music for this newsletter         

Can “Stranger Things” do Nina Hagen and Lene Lovich next if we’re going to keep bringing back my fave eccentric 80’s ladies?

Pigeon Report        

So my birth date (or as I like to call it, “leavin’ the ol’ womb tomb”) came recently and I received lots of lovely gifts, but one good friend knew me well enough to know I needed protected from the hordes of pigeons in Ridgewood and gifted me this:

Grade: Jokes on you pigeons, because I’m about to infiltrate your gang, and report you to the cops (ACAB, until it comes to pigeons.)

Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers    

Oh man…Johnny Knoxville is getting a divorce? Bummer man…bummer…unrelated how do I get on Raya and how do you quickly leave a long-term relationship? All kidding (haha, just kidding! It’s a joke, I swear! Haha! Babe, why are you yelling? Haha!) this man has aged like a fine wine, and Jackass the show has aged way better than you’d imagine and I mean that.

Answer: I know he’s fine but how am I doin’?

The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently       

 

Crazy to think there are only 300,000 Quakers globally and one of them is shitting in a cage rn.

THE ENDORSEMENT

This right here, this is my son, the father, and the holy ghost. I can thank ye olde Boyfriend™ for bringing him into my life (jokes on you Boyfriend™, he’s the new man in my life!) He brought it home because he follows recipes and gets the proper things listed in a recipe whereas I l am so very not-secretly white trash I’m like…ketchup=tomato sauce?

Anyways, chili crisp is THE BEST condiment next to a) Cholula; b) Turkish mayo; c) The Queen’s Salad Cream; and d) Nutella, which if you think about it is a condiment.

Every time I put this on noodles, eggs, whatever, I put an insane amount on, even though it occasionally wreaks havoc on my bowels, it is FULLY worth it. I’d be fine fartin’ my way to the moon if it meant I could keep eating this forever.

Also, I trust the guy…is he the one cooking the chili crisp? Unclear. CEO? Financier? Just a guy who really likes the chili crisp? If so, want to be him. That steely grimace? Love it. The apron? That is one cool operator on a jar of hot chili crisp.