The John Hickley Experience
One of the most 2022 things is oscillating between whether you want to see noted attempted President-assassinator John Hinckley because the venue he’s playing at only has wildly overpriced beer (if you think I’m joking, Market Hotel’s cheapest beer is $589 and that’s the god-honest truth) or if going might be worth it for just…historical posterity? Don’t worry, I’m not going. It’s rather cringe-y on all sides. I think they’re taking advantage of a man who is not well…although we’ve all wished death upon Reagan at least once.
Look if I’m being brutally honest if I had to see someone who had tried/killed a president, like 100% it would be Leon Czolgolsz because a) he was really hot, b) McKinley sucked, good riddance. Who needs another imperialist president!?
Theme music for this newsletter
I watched Mulholland Drive for the first time (surprisingly!) this past week, and like, whatever, I’m not gonna give a review like…Lynch is Lynch and Lynch be Lynchin’ for sure in that film, but this song in the movie made me want to rip out my eyelashes it’s so sad:
It helps I love the original so much. “Crying” by Roy Orbison is like THE saddest song, and then to put it in Spanish, the language that does sadness in music so well? UGH.SIGH. So good.
Also, one time I was sitting in a waiting room to go to therapy in 2014 and “Crying” was playing in the waiting room while I sat alone, and I’m wondering what the therapist’s end game was.
Pigeon Report
Okay as if it weren’t bad enough, the other day a pigeon mauled my Boyfriend™. I think it was the worst thing ever. It made me even more mad than I was already at them.
However, I just asked him if he remembered it and he said, “Yeah? It wasn’t that bad?” and I said, “Why,” and he said, “pigeons are mindless beasts.”
Grade: Okay? I thought it was bad!!! D+
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
I’m fully here for the reevaluation/reappreciation of Pamela Anderson. She’s always struck me as intelligent (though idk about the whole Assange stuff, but like, who among us hasn’t become weirdly close with members of the Wikileaks team?)
Anyways, I recently saw her Cribs episode from 2000 (? feel free to fact-check me on that one) and it is just the most wholesome Cribs episode ever. I love the cutesy shabby-chic style! Her kids share a room! She has an atrocious hat! It’s all very heartwarming.
Answer: Well circa 2000 she was doing alright!
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Pete Davidson just saw this on NYC Craigslist while searching for sneakers and he is fucking SHOOK.
THE ENDORSEMENT
Gonna shake it up here and add a new section! A place to give recommendations for food, household appliances, movies, the best Bodega cats!
This endorsement goes to my household food processor, the only household appliance that you will use regularly and it will make your life easier. Who wants to shred anything? It’s 2022, live it up!
While I have really gotten into those weird TikTok videos about foreign household appliances, I refuse to believe I would use most of these more than once, whereas I use my food processor weekly.