Staten Island Chuck is Girly Pop
Hi, just a little thank you from me for YOU, the readers, for sticking with me over the years. I’ve had a few folks this year commit to paid subscriptions (btw if Substack is sending you an email telling you to subscribe those are automated, so like, literally zero pressure to pay for Cracks, ever) and each time I am genuinely s-t-u-n-n-e-d. Like, the concept that my thoughts, or those dumb thoughts put to internet-paper and MS Paint have some sort of value? Not that money means something is “good” but any compliment, be that a paid subscription, or a personal note from someone about Cracks is just unbelievably special for me.
It genuinely makes me feel better, especially on those days where you spent most of your time writing emails with such compelling bon mots like “just circling back,” or “no worries if not!” or “No rush, but EOD would be great!!!!” The more exclamation points you see me use in a work email, the more concerned you should be about me. And that’s the truth!!!
So, what I’m trying to say is that writing in my own voice is a great joy and also makes me want to bang my head against a concrete slab, and I am grateful for the support and feedback of my readers. Especially given how bad I am at sending Cracks regularly…it’s kind of like supporting Punxsutawney Phil (or his NYC cousin, Staten Island Chuck, full name Charles G. Hogg.) Will I show up? Will I see my shadow? Will I curse you all with six more weeks of winter?
But unlike Bill DeBlasio, I doubt you’ll drop me and cause me to die mysteriously. And suffice to say, I am thinking of ways to add fun extras this year so stay tuned!!!
Thing 1:
Pigeon report
First off, I cannot do full justice to this story about a pigeon in India accused of being a Chinese spy, and then imprisoned for 8 months, until he was found not guilty. And they say justice is dead.
You really must read this in full.
For those who don’t know, I’ve worked/volunteered in various human rights advocacy organizations forevs (which is weird, because I really hate humans) and have been involved in plenty of campaigns to help call for the release of people behind bars. So, it feels a little much to see the amount of effort that went into freeing this pigeon, when there are literally humans imprisoned for no reason? Not saying you can’t love animals and people and care about both, but I am saying if you care more about a pigeon behind bars than a human, you are not well!!!! You probably use even more exclamation points than I do in emails!!!!!
Grade: F to the pigeon and F to a cop who arrests pigeons
Thing 2:
Remember about 10 years ago when XOJane shared a link to Courtney Love’s Etsy profile, and we got to see all the stuff she was scrolling around for? Hmmm…probably just me. If I remember correctly, it was a lot of Victorian nightgowns, and also a picture of herself, which I sincerely love for her.
Unfortunately, she’s made it private now, but you can still see her favorite shops on Etsy. There’s something delightfully voyeuristic, but in a sort of innocent way, in seeing the random shit famous people scroll for on the internet. Or learning what’s in their cabinet. It’s probably why I’m OBSESSED with Architectural Digest’s “Open Door” videos. I don’t really care so much for the homes themselves (with a few exceptions, for example, the Dita von Teese one is so amazing!!) but the odd things that you can tell weren’t placed or put up by a publicist are fascinating to me.
On one hand, I think it would make me feel awfully full of myself if people were so fascinated with me, they wanted to see my Etsy search history, or what brand of beans I keep in my cupboard (the cheapest, DUH.) On the other hand, I would then have to let the world know that this is what I spend my time doing:
Exhibit 1 (A glimpse into my YouTube viewing history, which might explain why I keep getting ads asking me if I want to join ketamine medical trials for depressed people)
Exhibit 2 (My Etsy “favorites” are less embarrassing, but still, something I should probably hide from my therapist?)
Thing 3:
The “Korn is girly pop” is one of my favorite TikTok trends, mostly because old Korn fans are getting SO heated in the comments. I mean, Korn absolutely sucks, but I like anything that makes crusty men with goatees mad.
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