Slop.tv
I have received some professional feedback that my “face can appear disrespectful,” to which I say, you are indeed, correct.
Theme music for this newsletter
Of course the Ann Peebles version of this is best, but that doesn’t mean I don’t LOVE this one too, performed by Boney M’s backing band, Eruption.
Pigeon report
No intro needed.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
It brings me no joy at all to discuss Aaron Carter AGAIN. While he’s kind of depressing and I should probably ignore him, he’s also a hot mess on such a scale that there is no way I’m not gonna talk about him. For Christ sake this man is SUING A PUG RESCUE NOW.
If you want to become public enemy number one in the eyes and hearts of the American public, suing pugs is one way to do it, that’s for sure. If I had been smart when choosing a career, I would have been a manager/publicist, so I could help save celebrities from disasters like this. I would also have discouraged him from his deeply bad face tattoos, that have already aged like a fine dusty bottle of Arbor Mist from a 7-11.
Answer: Oh honey, he is not well
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Okay first off, absolutely no judgement as to what does it for you. You wanna watch someone sit on a cake, cool, but do think of how I could instead have eaten that cake just saying. You wanna dress up like a sexy raccoon? No prob. Along those lines, I was pleasantly surprised to find SlopTV via Craigslist which is an 18+ internet endeavor where muscular men, get slop thrown on them? Okay, alright, cool.
I like this guy covered in baked beans, he looks like he’s having a legitimately great time:
I fully support these men having fun, enjoying beans, which are high in protein and provide many of the things our bodies require
Hints from Hellouise
It’s been days since I’ve had cheese in my house and I feel low-key suicidal. As such, I would like to give you my current top five cheese rankings, which is based solely on what I would like to eat right now.
1. Mozzarella, chewy, AND sorta wet, has a great “not actually food” texture I enjoy
2. Brie, my beloved child
3. Bulgarian serene, preferably as salty as possible
4. A green Irish cheese, because I respect my genetics
5. Ricotta, with a ton of cracked black pepper and olive oil drizzled on it
Shit you really ought to read
This piece is older, but a super fascinating and sad history of the human cost of the meteor at the Museum of Natural History. Tracking down Syrian war criminals. I am OBSESSED with this upscale jam drama.
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