Pretty fly for a Sicilian all-star
The other day, in a one-hour period, I heard the Offspring playing separately in not one, but TWO separate spots in my neighborhood. Once, blasting from a minivan, and secondly, wafting from a neighbor’s backyard. Unfortunately I believe we are in the midst of a full-blown Offspring revival, spurned in part by the shocking reveal in the Woodstock 99 doc that they were like, one of the few bands who played, who were like “Hey everybody, maybe let’s stop sexually assaulting women at this festival?” And the crowd was like, “Booooooo bring on Fred Durst!!!! WE WANT DURST! WE WANT DURST!” And then they probably played “Pretty fly for a white guy,” which about sums up expectations for men in 1999.
Theme music for this newsletter
If you think I’m putting an Offspring song in this newsletter I have NEWS for YOU: no.
I am going to instead put in a plug for the Offspring of 20th century classical music, Dmitri “keep ‘em separated” Shostakovich:
Pigeon Report
I don’t have any good pigeon goss’ though plenty of pigeon encounters this week in this cursed city I have made my home. Like a veritable Don Quixote, I go out each day, battling my windmills (read: pigeons) and at this point I no longer know if they purposely antagonize me or if it’s all just in my head.
Grade: Hopefully, I’ll have spicy updates by next newsletter.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
This week’s “Are you okay?” should really be called “Am I okay after seeing this clip of a 91-year-old Andrew Lloyd Webber dj’ing a remix of ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ while Countess Luann (of Real Housewives fame) takes a selfie next to him?”
Answer: No, I am not okay, thank you for asking. But I will admit, Andrew IS pretty fly for a white guy.
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Okay so the whole post is too long for me to get a good screenshot, so I implore you to read the whole description here. Is the man in this photo the particular “George Michael” they have in mind? Who is Marissa, Sicilian all-star? Why does she have one name? Should I know Marissa?
Shit you really ought to read
This story is a truly fascinating slice of history, and reiterates that Stalin’s Russia, was indeed, v.bad! Halloween is all about romance.