pLz SEND cOSTCO SAMpLEs
I kept meaning to bring this up, but did y’all see the story about the Florida lady who got stuck in a sewer for a couple weeks? I’ve thought of her fondly many times since I first read this story. I find something infinitely relatable to this wayward pipe explorer. Police don’t believe her, but I believe that it probably FELT like weeks. And I feel like metaphorically I have gone down a sewer out of mild curiosity only to come out screaming sometime later, soda can in hand.
Theme music for this newsletter
I think way too often about this video of Gillette performing her one-hit wonder, “Short Dick Man” on a Brazilian children’s show. Look, if five-year-old me had been able to secure a spot at this performance, you can bet your ass I’d be dancing my ass off too.
Pigeon Report
Around NYC there are these random metal boxes marked as “water sampling stations,” but I’ve never seen them open so how am I supposed to get a free sample? Anyone who knows me knows I LIVE for free samples. Like, I would literally chew off my own leg to go to a Costco right now and get some small pieces of sausage on a stick for FREE.
That said, one has to imagine what kinds of flavors of water they even offer. From what I’ve heard the three options for NYC water are: blueberry, pigeon, and trash. And that just doesn’t do it for me.
Grade: This water and the pigeon flavor gets an F from me, and I can’t even get the dang sampling station open
Ephemera I’m into. Each week I highlight some random historical ephemera I’ve discovered that is probably only interesting to me.
Y’all following Hot Victorians on Instagram yet? If not, WHY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Dear small baby Jesus, I wish the ghost of this man would haunt me. Would it be wrong to leave someone just for the spirit of another?
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
I want to get into buying junk on FB Marketplace because there is literally no real reason to be on Facebook most of the time, so why NOT get some cans of soup while I’m at it. Facebook clearly knows I’m vulnerable and susceptible, as I recently had this recommended to me through FB Marketplace:
And against all odds, I will probably buy this hideous creature.
Shit you really ought to read
QAnon moms. Chanel Miller is so cool. Furio, fashion icon.