My stupid little hill
Most days I wake up, ready to die on my stupid little hills, some of which include, in no particular order:
Fig Newtons get a bad rap. They’re a good cookie! People say they’re like an old person cookie but let me tell you, figs are delicious, and this cookie is good and if you say no to a cookie of any kind, you have bigger problems
Spice World is a masterpiece and deserves a Criterion release
Sneakers are fine, in terms of their sheer practicality, but are overall, a dumb shoe
Blue Sky Sodas are the best soda when you’re sick, not ginger ale
Red and purple is actually a very good color combo
Saxophones are actually the best rock and roll instrument (I’ve covered this before in Cracks, but just bears repeating)
Ordering a glass of milk to drink, (when it isn’t offered on a menu,) in a Chinese restaurant is full-on psycho behavior. I legit saw this happen once.
Monkees > Beatles
Donovan > Bob Dylan
Theme music for this newsletter
To prove my last point:
Dylan could never pull off, “My antediluvian baby/oh yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah/I want to see you some day.”
Pigeon Report
I would love a prestige TV one-off series about what went down between three pigeon-racing enthusiasts that led to actual MURDER.
Lads, it’s too late for this advice, but please don’t ever let a pigeon break up your crew. Believe me, I’ve BEEN there.
Pigeons are already out to get us, let’s not make it easier for them.
Grade: I mean, I guess A, in that the pigeons didn’t purposely do the murder. THIS TIME.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
As I have discussed at least once, a great passion of mine is watching celebrities show off their usually dumb, usually-unimaginatively designed homes, but I live for the times when I’m like, “damn yes, if I had a million dollars, I would totally do this.”
I love this video of Kirsten Dunst and her interior designer sharing a tour of her house. It’s refreshing that she gives credit to her designer, as opposed to pretending she did all this herself, and even more heartwarming when she declares she hates open floor plans, as I too hate open floor plans with a burning fire in my soul.
And I love her house. Weird Swedish cupboards! Mice wallpaper! Popsicle-stick lamps! It’s creative and thoughtful without being zany or unlivable. I already loved Kirsten Dunst, but now I have no choice to stan for all eternity. She is adorable and I know we would be best pals shopping for weird household items.
Answer: She’s doing great!
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Realistically, what are the chances this person gets their stick returned?
Shit you really ought to read
I love this SEPTA driver who caught an alligator in a trash can. Have only started reading all the pieces of this, but truly some wild stuff. The mysterious Marie Calloway.