J.Lo fixed our broken system
Crack
Wow, this week, AMIRITE? I haven’t felt this pumped since… well the last time Western civilization started to crumble. Nothing makes me feel more alive than men in power gettin’ duped. Which brings me to Hustlers. Warning, many Hustlers spoilers ahead, but if you haven’t seen Hustlers yet why the hell are you reading this??? People who get upset about spoilers probably pick plain spaghetti with butter for their last meal on earth. I Googled the ending of Breaking Bad two episodes into watching the first season.
Anyways Hustlers rules. J.Lo pole-dancing to Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” may finally help this broken country heal. There are so many things I loved about the film. Firstly, the way it shows who really got screwed in the aftermath of the 2008 recession. Who cares about a Big Short, what’s really interesting is the people on the bottom, who had no control over how things would go. Control is an interesting theme too. At no point do we look at stripping as inherently exploitative, but rather the environment it’s in, the way you’re treated, the way you’re compensated is where exploitation lies. Secondly, the film has so many moments of female joie de vivre, with nary a man in sight. That Christmas scene had me dead, because it featured a bunch of women having a great time, without a single male character. How often do we see that in film? And that’s a shame, because for me, most of my moments of pure joy were like that, hanging with friends, laughing your ass off, debating the hotness of Frankie Valli. Well, maybe not the last part. He is not hot.
Anyways, cheers to shaking your ass in the face of soul-crushing capitalism, and cheers to Cardi B’s insane laugh.
Pigeon report
Source: Me
You guys, I feel insane, I’ve seen like three pigeons week and none of them were doing anything weird. This in and of itself is weird. Have they migrated? Given that I don’t have any good reports for this week, I’d like to share about the time I saw a pigeon chowin’ down on a fried chicken breast. Truly one of the most brutal and disturbing things I have ever seen. That lil’ guy didn’t have a care in the world. Just rippin’ right into an animal that’s about one gene away from being his brother.
Grade: F-, that pigeon should be on death row for murder.
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Never has the “do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers” message on Craigslist been more applicable, but in this case, it really refers to this post as a whole. Every part of this post is threatening. He’s creepy, he’s guilty, and we badly need him?????????
Photo (Craigslist screenshot)
Are you okay? Each week, I highlight celebrities I am concerned with
Photo (Twitter screenshot)
Musician and iconic scarf enthusiast Leonard Kravitz recently lost his sunglasses. I can understand his distress as someone who lost a baby-doll at a wedding when I was 5 and I still think about it once a week. Do we all think he already had kravitzglasses@gmail.com or created it when they were lost? He should trademark that STAT. Meanwhile, someone (A CRIMINAL) out there is walking around with some gigantic Lenny-sunnies on.
Answer: He’ll survive. Surely there’s enough “Fly Away” money left to buy new ones?
Hints from Hellouise
In no fault of my own, I have amassed an impressive collection of recipe books spanning from the 1930s-70s, or as I call them, “the mayonnaise years” (coincidentally my nickname for the Trump administration as well). Here are some choice dinners you can make this coming month, provided you have access to all the meats. ALL OF THEM. I really mean it. October alone includes multiple chickens, rabbits, baby cows, pork, beef, tongues (who they belong to idk), sheep, etc. It’s a regular Noah’s Ark in here. Raise a glass of raisin sauce and celebrate!
Photo (me)
Shit you really ought to read
Rico Nasty and the Angry Black Female Artist-Nazlee Arbee, Zora/Medium. This summer has truly been marked by my discovery and deep dive into Rico Nasty’s music. Anger Management is a perfect punk album, and you need to go listen to it right now. Rico Nasty’s rhymes are simultaneously clever, funny and poignant and the music really does rage. This piece was super helpful in placing Rico Nasty’s work in the context of earlier female rap artists, and also a thoughtful take on why WoC making “angry” music is so inherently radical.
The President Who Wanted Us to Stop Climate Change-Ellin Stein, Slate. If you’re not familiar with Jimmy Carter’s “malaise” speech I highly recommend this deep dive on the impact of his speech, our unwillingness to make changes in the US to our consumption habits, and how eerily it parallels today. Only difference is now we’re “super-dee-duper-dee-screwed” climate change-wise as opposed to “lil’ bit messed up, right?”
Charli XCX Explains How Streaming is Changing Songs-Dani Deahl, The Verge. I like thinking about the way formats for consuming music change the way artists make music. Interesting take here from pop artist/songwriter XCX, on how Spotify isn’t necessarily bad, but does radically open up possibilities, and closes others.
The Conscience of Bret Stephens-David Klion, The New Republic. Buckle up y’all for a crazy dive into the bohemian family history of everyone’s favorite bedbug.
Your weekly jam
I’ll make you sorry-Screaming Females
I’m going to a one-day music festival of sorts later next month partially because I wanted to see Screaming Females (among others) and in preparation I decided to revisit their discography. I feel like festivals are for really old people or really young. Young people like the ones where you take MDMA and sleep in a mud pit, and adults like hyper-curated ones where some alt band from 1994 replays their entire first album in its entirety and it ends at 9pm so you can get a full 8-hours of sleep. And to further remind myself how old I am the last time I saw Screaming Females was in 2009 I think, in a dingy basement venue with tobacco dripping from the ceiling. But also, giving a shit about what a concert says about you is the squarest shit of all.
Mid-life crisis aside I have found myself really digging this more recent (well last year) single. It’s by far the poppiest song they ever wrote and it had me thinking that if Taylor Swift wanted to really get attention she should record a song like this. Why don’t more female pop stars make angry punk albums as a way to show they don’t care about labels/marketing? How good would a punk album from 2007 era Britney have been? Somebody hire me to Svengali some naïve teen popstar stat.