In my little kitty-body
You’ll be surprised to know that I spend a lot of time when I’m on Amazon looking at cat and cat-adjacent products. Never things my cat would actually want, because I’ve learned the hard way her favorite cat-product is the box the cat-product arrives in. Part of it may be because the cats featured in every product photo are clearly stock photo images copy-pasted in such a way to create an image that can only exist on the internet, so of course they’re perfect for me. I have several choice examples:
What is this product? Based on the picture it looks like a kitten activates sonar technology when they step on a mat, opening up a portal into another dimension, and they are (rightfully) terrified.
This cat sits in abject terror in front of a human-size laser pointer and seems to say “I will obey you, great overlord.”
This is the same face I would make if I found myself in this situation, so I can’t blame the cat.
*starts singing* TOUCHIN…YOUUUUUU/SWEEEEEET CAROLINEEEE
Have you talked to your cat about the dangers of Scandinavian minimalism?
Meanwhile, this Scandinavian minimalist is living their best life. Let me tell you, just because the box your cat shits in is made to look like Ikea furniture doesn’t mean they still won’t piss all over it and get litter everywhere and just remind you that you willingly choose to carry the shit of this cursed creature every day, and pay for the honor. Absolutely sick stuff folks.
They are feeling great in their little kitty body
Theme music for this newsletter
I finally found my old YouTube favorites list which includes so many bangers!!!! Such as this:
Which I found in part because this video is literally where half my decent dance moves come from:
Pigeon Report
Last week I played the role of a veritable Jane Goodall, immersing myself fully in the world of birds, specifically doves, the classy cousin of pigeons. Some may remember a tale I shared months ago of a friend who had a pair of deadbeat parent doves on her balcony who abandoned their eggs to certain doom. But they came BACK, and laid MORE children-eggs (can you give doves birth control?) and this time they were born and cared for.
Which is where I got to see the beautiful exchange of fluids that is bird parenthood. You ever see two dinosaur-like creatures full on guzzle vomit from their moms’ mouth? So hungry they’re both fighting IN her mouth for more?
Well now I have, and I gotta say, maybe Pigeons aren’t the worst, maybe all birds are just gross.
Video proof I took (call David Attenborough, I’m available!!):
Grade: B, for baby birds are gross.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
When things get overwhelming, some people turn to religion, others to meditation, many to loved ones…but me, I turn to Isabella Rossellini’s inscrutable Instagram feed:
When I’m in Isabella’s world, it’s a simple place, where box turtles mating at my front gate is the biggest excitement of my day. It’s so soothing:
Where the worst thing that happens is getting “stungged” four times while making honey for my CSA:
Answer: Isabella, you perfect elfin-creature, I love you, never change.
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Is it a “cowboy Santa?” Or is it a doll-replica of “every creepy guy at the 8th Street Wal-Mart in Colorado Springs circa 2004 openly carrying a pistol?”
Shit you really ought to read
A tribute to photojournalist Danish Siddiqui. A global snapshot of gig work. I’d seen her art but never knew her name, and damn she rules!!! Idk man, I feel like I’d get along well with Orson Welles.