I'm honestly fine with this man dying from scurvy

It’s a weeeekday Cracks! By now you’re really in the swing of things, what EXCITEMENT. Tomorrow is Tuesday and then comes Wednesday and then the next day is Thursday and the day after that is Friday and then the next day is Saturday and then wow here comes Sunday woooo wow now it’s Monday and holy shit it’s Tuesday again.

Theme music for this newsletter   

It’s end days of summer, why not indulge in Stevie Wonder’s beach themed album, “Stevie at the Beach”?  

Pigeon Report   

I beg of you, please don’t ask me how I ended up on the Wikipedia page for “Pigeon Photography.” Unsurprisingly pigeons were spies during World War One for… you guessed it folks, the freakin’ Germans. Way to go pigeons, thanks for standing up for IMPERIALISM.

I’ll be following up with more information after I digest the “War Pigeon” Wikipedia page.

Also I am dead from this picture:

Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers       

James Blunt, a stupid British pop star who is known for “Beautiful,” easily one of the worst songs of all time, is also known for…SCURVY.  

I hate everything about this story, but it does provide a really great example of why men suck. So recently James Blunt told a story about when he was an engineering student, a field that is notoriously dominated by men. There were like three women and 67098998 men at his school and some of these three women were vegan (which is fine!!) so James Blunt, who for all intensive purposes seems to have the charm of a rotten pile of chum, decided to just eat meat?  Way to make your female colleagues feel welcome bro.

Well joke’s on him because he got scurvy like a 19th century LOSER. Honestly as punishment we should force him to work on a whaler for the rest of his life.

Answer: I wish he still had it

The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently       

  

I need this in my life so badly but my boyfriend™ is so square and I swear to god he’s going to say something unreasonable like “this makes me uncomfortable” or “this is demeaning to women” or “Bon Jovi sucks” if I bring it home. To which I say OKAY they do suck but it’s demeaning to ME (a woman) that I don’t have this clock!!!

Hints from Hellouise         

I literally think about the line “leave the sewing to the women” coming from a sexualized mouse at least once a week:

Shit you really ought to read           

Indigenous Latinx women organize a response to COVID-19 in the US. VOTES 4 WOMEN. This headline is truly perfect: Jared Kushner, Deputy Assistant Ratfucker.