If Valentine's Day is for lovers, Thanksgiving is for hobgoblins
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving, a holiday that unbeknownst me, many Americans believe is worth dying for. The only holiday you’ll find ME putting my life on the line for is Toyotathon and that’s a fact!
I spent a lot of Thanksgiving watching the Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon, which led to me watching my new favorite movie, “Hobgoblins,” a film I really cannot recommend enough. If “Gremlins” is the “Citizen Kane” of weird-creature-teen-80’s-movies, then “Hobgoblins” is…Orson Welles selling peas while drunk.
I fell down a wormhole of trying to catalogue all the Gremlin/E.T./Dark Crystal/Puppet-heavy movie rip-offs and omg you guys there are so.many.of.them.
Here’s a list of a few, and I hope you’ll all join me post-pandemic at my first Cracks Film Festival:
· Ghoulies (and a special shout out to Ghoulies Go to College)
· Gnorm the Gnome a.k.a. UpWorld
· Critters
· Munchies
Happy holidays!!!!
Theme music for this newsletter
Lucia Pamela’s 1969 concept album about traveling to the moon is like getting a snapshot of myself circa the year 2069.
Pigeon Report
I’m afraid nothing particularly frightening to report on pigeons this week. I went down to Brighton Beach this weekend, grey and blustery, with equal numbers of seagulls, pigeons, and 90-year-old Ukrainians walking slowly in pairs. Something about Brighton Beach always cheers me up, even when surrounded by beach pigeons (one of the worst genres of pigeons).
Grade: A, for the potato peroshki I ate while glowering at a pigeon
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
Oh sweet Jesus, someone explain to me what Lindsay Lohan is shilling in this ad, because I just don’t have the STRENGTH to figure this OUT right NOW.
Answer: NO. She is clearly not doing well, even before I watched this ad.
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Craigslist is so boring right now, unless you’re in the market for an overpriced chair on the Upper East Side, in which case, I have great news for you. I thought this week we could take a little trip to my other favorite place to hang on the internet (outside of the Space Jam website that hasn’t been updated in about 20 years) to eBay.
You’ll be shocked to know I spend a lot of time on eBay looking for pop culture ephemera. It’s actually where my California Raisins collection started! And my Norfin collectible troll cards collection! Well that’s not a collection but after drinking some wine(s) I did once find myself the proud owner of Norfin troll trading cards.
I digress.
Anyways, if you’re in the market, there’s some remarkable memorabilia from the Lizzie McGuire Disney Cruise. Now if only I had $400 lying around! Or if you only have $300, just buy me the Love Boat board game please.
Hints from Hellouise
I never ever make cocktails at home because a)I don’t love hard alcohol enough to warrant having bottles of it sitting around, and b)if it was sitting around I’d probs just drink it mixed with Mountain Dew like some heathen.
However, this time I wanted to be CUTE because of thanksgiving, so I made a CUTE holiday themed “cocktail” that was momentous for me because it involved more than two ingredients:
Apple-cider sour:
-1 part whiskey
-2 part apple cider
-Squeeze one lemon
-Mix it up and stir it with a cinnamon stick so you feel like you’re on a Bravo show reunion episode.
-Serve over ice
Shit you really ought to read
I actually haven’t read much news or longform stuff this week, but I did just finish the final book in Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan Novels and now all I can do is stare longingly out my window, then abruptly turn to those closest to me (my cat, usually) and scream “I never loved you!” or “The boundaries are dissolving LENU!!!!!!!!!!!”
I also breezed through “Convenience Store Woman” by Sayaka Murata this weekend and it’s a weird, creepy, little gem of a story.