I broke into the car wash 10 times (sorry)
During the worst, hardest days of the pandemic, one of the little things I missed was the sheer lack of low-stakes DRAMA. I live for low-stakes drama, like someone stealing condiments from a work fridge, or like two local musicians who have beef with each other. Instead, life was actual drama, scary, Beckett-ian. That isn’t fun to me, I’m looking for some “Importance of Being Earnest” level dramz.
So that’s how I found myself going DEEP into NYC/Long Island bird watchers’ drama. I love it. There’s nothing like seeing people lose their minds over a piping plover (it’s me, I’m the one screaming. They are so cute!!!!) Like one major dramz that happened is there were some owls in Central Park that everyone wanted to take pictures of, and the birders got mad the looky-loos were scaring the birds. That’s a toughy, because I don’t wanna bug any owl, but also, they’re cool! Who could begrudge the people merely watching the birds as opposed to BIRD WATCHING.
And sometimes the drama is between the birds themselves! Look at these lads go. Ultimately, I prefer human gossip and drama. Birders get WILD man.
Theme music for this newsletter
I saw the Elvis movie and the good news is that a) Elvis as a musical artist still kills, especially those early records; and b) Austin Butler really does a phenomenal job. The bad news is that we are now forced to send Tom Hanks to the electric chair for what he did in his role as the Colonel. It’s so bad. The last 30 min of the film, every time he came on screen in those dumb prosthetics and that inexplicable accent (yes, I know the Colonel was Dutch, but I don’t believe he sounded like a Swedish Teddy Ruxpin low on batteries) I said to myself, “oh no, it’s god damn Rumpelstiltskin again!!!!”
The movie was good enough that it even gave me an appreciation for over-produced late Elvis:
Pigeon Report
This story about efforts to keep pigeons from ruining historic NYC buildings is very interesting! According to the article, pigeons are so territorial that the pigeons nesting at Morgan Library are very likely related to the ones that first nested there in 1906. Honestly, I kinda respect that. Pigeons are the ultimate in fighting gentrification it turns out.
Also, I love this quote, “These birds protect their site, their mission in life is to create poop and babies.”
Grade: A, alright, turns out Pigeons and I can agree about one thing.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
Jojo Siwa bedazzling herself into a minion…has left me without words. I guess I really don’t understand the children any more.
Answer: I hate this.
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Oh, so these roasted chickpeas have already had one go-around on Craigslist? That must add some extra FLAVOR. And for free? Dooooooon’t mind if I do. Oh shit, and it comes with THE clean plastic bag. Damn, now I just feel guilty taking them for free.
THE ENDORSEMENT
My current job requires me to spend a LOT of time trolling local NYC news outlets for story ideas and journalists to pitch (yup, I’m dat bitch.) And I cannot recommend reading or watching local news enough. It is INSANE. Literally all people on local TV do is talk about kidnapped children and murder. I swear they just watch Law and Order: SVU and pretend that happened in real life.
Anyways this was on the landing page under “viral stories” on a NYC news channel (name withheld to protect the press.)
Finally, some news you can USE.