Head on apply directly to the forehead

Hey gang, work this week has shred my soul so I’m gonna give y’all a mini dose of Cracks this week because all I really want to do right now is watch Below Deck. 

Here’s a list of ideas for Cracks on my phone that never came to fruition (typos included for posterity):  

·       Brian can’t Instagram stalk 

·       White wings of a dove

·       Kim cattrall camp icon 

·       What good things happened even chromatica was disappointing  

·       Head on apply directly to the forehead 

·       Bunny Yeager  

·       Rushing ANTIFA 

·       I think the determining factor between something being an “affair” vs. a “hookup” is whether they’re hot. I have NEVER heard of someone having an affair with someone unattractive.  

·       Nude tonydanza 

·       Cher saves the post office

·       A time of movement in civil rights and I’m...focused on pigeons 

·       Kendall Jenner eve Babitz  

·       Yellow wallpaper summer 

Theme music for this newsletter        

Cue me dancing intensely in front of a mirror with my hair in a scrunchie, stopping abruptly, staring at myself and a single tear rolls down my face.      

Pigeon Report      

I hope to GOD that urban legend about rice making birds explode is true.

Grade: F, what maniac left this rice on the street in my neighborhood??????

The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently      

Ahhh nothing could go wrong in this situation. Love to meet folks who are just “a tad homophobic,” it’s like being a “tad bit of a serial killer.”

Shit you really ought to read             

I Lived Through A Stupid Coup. America Is Having One Now. UGHHHHH I HATE CAPITALISM NOTHING IS GOOD. Outkast have always been fashion icons in my book. A lost weekend with Van Halen.