Fist City
If I see one more piece in a major news outlet *COUGHNewYorkTimesCOUGH* about how “Americans React to Trump” featuring man on the street interviews, I am calling Adult Protective Services on them. Why do I care what clueless, misinformed people think? If I wanted that kind of information I’d watch Family Feud.
I’m more interested in knowing what a wrinkled potato thinks of Trump (scared of him). What does a used tissue think of Trump (admires him). What does a smol turtle think of Trump (gonna kick his ass!) What does the ghost of William McKinley think of Trump (honored anyone still knows who he is tbh). What does a pile of pet dander think of Trump (didn’t vote but hates women.) Give me some news I can use!!!
Thing 1: Technology is okay and also bad
I would like to be upfront with you all and reveal that I am the prime audience for “AI Slop.”
Definition (via Wikipedia): "AI slop", often simply "slop", is a derogatory term for low-quality media, including writing and images, made using generative artificial intelligence technology. Coined in the 2020s, the term has a derogatory connotation akin to "spam". It has been variously defined as "digital clutter,”, “filler content produced by AI tools that prioritize speed and quantity over substance and quality.”
I have no shame when I say, I really enjoy slop. I don’t need AI to make my job easier, or to solve difficult math problems. And I certainly don’t need AI to answer my Google searches. I need AI so I can watch videos of a small baby cat dressed as a watermelon dancing. This is good stuff! I always knew I needed videos of cats dancing in watermelon costumes, but I never knew how to get them from my brain and onto the internet. Thank goodness for AI.
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But sometimes it goes too far. For example, TikTok keeps showing me AI videos of “countries as *insert some inane thing here*” For example, “countries as gods,” “countries as kings,” and “countries as animals” which then led to “countries as animal mafia bosses” and then whatever the fuck this is:
Thing 2: A good idea
Has someone started a gay country bar called “Fist City”? If not, I call dibs.
Thing 3: The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
I know this shouldn’t be the part that I’m most interested in—but what is a perfume industry isolation testing chamber? Do they just…leave people in a tube with a smell? If someone wanted to leave me in a tube with the smell of gasoline, I honestly wouldn’t complain. I may be brain-dead, but I really do enjoy that smell!
Extra credit: Movie recommendations for super-specific moods.
I’m really burnt out but don’t want to watch something that makes me feel stupid
Hello, may I introduce you to a little genre called 1930s SCREWBALL COMEDIES???? They’re literally the perfect thing to watch when you’re tired of thinking too hard but also don’t want a movie that thinks you, the viewer, are stupid. Honestly, even the most middle of the road 1930’s comedy is going to be funnier than most movies of the last ten years (and yes, I am including the Smurfs Movie in that calculation, so you know I mean it.) Even better is they’re all 60-90 minutes tops. Because back then we RESPECTED people’s TIME.
Great places to start: The Lady Eve (featuring some of the best acting from a horse I’ve ever seen), To Be or Not to Be, Bringing Up Baby, All Hail the Conquering Hero, I’m No Angel.
I want a gay romance movie with a happy ending
It’s been discussed at length how most movies about gay characters, and particularly gay characters in love, involve the most depressing endings you’ve ever seen in your life. And look, there are certainly reasons—being queer has historically come with mistreatment and an inability to be your authentic self with the people you love. But sometimes you want people not to die in the end! And even better if they kiss! Great places to start: Carol (also a good Xmas movie imo), Desert Hearts, My Beautiful Launderette (featuring an UNBELIEVABLY hot Daniel Day Lewis as a punk.)
A documentary that is funny
I think most documentaries, even the best ones, are either a) existential and sad; or b) super dark because we are only interested in true crime these days. But sometimes you want an engrossing slice of life that doesn’t leave you feeling empty or scared or worried you’ll be scammed at any moment. Great places to start: Gates of Heaven (okay it’s about pet cemeteries so it’s maybe a little sad), In Heaven There is No Beer, American Movie, The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend a Broken Heart (believe me, I’m as shocked as you that I’m recommending this.)
I would like there to be a good cat in the movie
I could write a goddamn dissertation on movies with good cat cameos, and in the lucky but rare cases, cats in starring roles. Sometimes you just NEED a cat to be a lil’ rascal and move the plot. Great places to start: Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Long Goodbye (if it has any bearing, my cat watched this movie with me and seemed to like it), Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Bell Book and Candle.