Do you remember how many cats you've killed?
I’d like to turn off the “shared experience settings” now. Thanks, but I’ve had plenty already.
Theme music for this newsletter
This song made me so sad! Sad because I miss hanging out with my friends. I mean, it’s not like I don’t communicate with them, but a constant stream of sending each other memes and screenshots of people we hate on social media is not the same when you can’t enjoy the occasional low-key, no-point, five-hour Sunday afternoon hang!!!
Friends, I miss you.
Pigeon Report
Last week, I discovered a nefarious organization known as The American Pigeon Racing Union, which is filled with insane propaganda like the t-shirt below.
I was heartened to see a section where you can “Report a Bird” but when you click on it, it’s only to report a missing or found bird! What if I want to report a bird for crimes against humanity?
The website is filled with photos of kids cuddling pigeons, families gathered around pigeons like chestnuts on an open fire, with no explanation of whether these people are still alive or whether they were killed by pigeons.
Grade: D, I think this group deserves to exist in the sense they have that constitutional right, but I feel like they’ve been bankrolled by big pidge.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
Okay, where to start…so are any of you familiar with Britney Spears’ sister, Jamie Lynn Spears? She was on some tween show when she was a tween herself in the early aughts, but then she got pregnant and quit and it was a big deal because we love to think we control women’s bodies, women are expendable, you know the drill.
Anyways, she is no longer a tween, and by all accounts is living a very pleasant, albeit basic, life as a cute Instagram mom. More recently she wanted to share that she is also a part-time cat murderess, because apparently Tesla cars have killed “a couple of” her cats because they are so quiet. Far be it from me to say how everyone should react to dead cats, but I feel like she should know the number. I remember exactly how many cats I have killed. It’s zero.
You know the old saying “kill one cat, shame on you, kill two cats, shame on Tesla, kill three, maybe you should not have cats anymore just a thought idk.”
She then backtracked her statements, but it doesn’t explain why her daughter says that “Turkey [their cat] went to Jesus?” Hmmmmm questions abound. Somebody call a cat murder detective stat! Oh wait, that’s me.
Answer: She’s okay, but Turkey is not
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
You guys uh, you seen my friend? Last name? No idea? Hair color…umm brownish? Size? Def a medium.
Hints from Hellouise
It’s root vegetable season babies!!! Get down in the cellar and make yourself some latkes made with multiple root vegetables…why do potatoes always need to be the star?Live a little!!!
Me, making latkes with my Boyfriend (he’s obviously Kit in this situation, as I am clearly a Molly/Felicity)
Shit you really ought to read
The Shawn Mendes Chipotle bowl. I love Willi Smith’s designs and truly treasure a vintage dress of his I’ve had for years, and had no idea how artful and dreadfully short his career was. The Tenacious Unicorns ranch in Colorado.