Damn, Judi Dench

I’m in a contemplative mood at this moment. Downing La Croix seltzer until I have a basket of cans next to me and sweating so much the water pools to the bottom of my mask when I walk down the street. I feel like I’m coming out of a fog this month, feeling much more clear-headed about how mad I am about things in the world, but instead of feeling helpless I’m feeling excited and eager to spend my days reading and trying new projects with a level of vigor I haven’t had in some time. Don’t worry, I’ll be wallowing again by next week I’m sure!!!!!!

Theme music for this newsletter

I love this Haim song from their most recent album so much. It makes me wish I was a young divorcee, pulling on some bootleg Lee jeans, throwing on a “night out” top and drinking six jello shots while I run my hands through my hair in front of the bar A/C and allowing a stranger to buy me cheese fries.       

Pigeon report    

Let me set the scene for you. It’s month 4 (?) 5(?) 800 (?) of a pandemic and of all the things I miss right now, what I miss most is DRAMA. Not that times aren’t dramatic, but it’s the bad kind of drama, like life or death drama. What I am in desperate need of is low-stakes petty drama, that thrives best when people don’t really have too much serious to worry about.

Luckily for me though, I joined my neighborhood community Facebook group and wow am I finally getting that stupid drama I was craving.   

For example, these are some of the unimportant fights we’re struggling with right now.

Look, you might think I would be supportive,  or perhaps think that I AM the person who wrote this nasty note. But guess what? CHICKEN BUTT. Also, NO. While I think pigeons are nasty as hell, it is everyone’s RIGHT, as guaranteed in the CONSTITUTION (read a book dummy) to feed those nasty birds if you want to.

“But Bebe didn’t you say someone should get arrested just the other day for feeding pigeons?”

First off, how dare you remind me of anything I’ve said in the past, ever. Also, I’m the boss and I say stop harassing 90-year olds, that’s so RUDE. They already had to live through a Coolidge administration, Pet Rocks, and Reagan, let them LIVE.

Grade: F to this letter writer, don’t you have REAL people to harass? Like people crowding in front of bars without masks. Be like the rest of us and scream at them!!!

Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers      

I love Dame Judi Dench, and I can’t even explain why. Even though she plays the exact same “strong British lady” character in every movie, I find her very charming.

It was worrying then to read that she has felt so lost during the pandemic, just spending her time memorizing Shakespearean sonnets. Luckily her grandson was like “damn that sounds so stupid, why don’t you do something actually useful and learn some Tik Tok dances?”

Just watch this video, and don’t ask yourself what’s going on. Let it wash over you. 

Answer: She’s doing great!

The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently          

I know that usually in this section I’m like “Oh haha this thing is so dumb who would buy it!” but right now I am telling you, PLEASE buy these for me immediately.

Hints from Hellouise          

My boyfriend™ and I have been into vermouth lately, which is an ideal summer drink because it requires only two other ingredients to seem like a fancy cocktail and those ingredients are, an orange peel, and ice. The things that usually prevents me from making cocktails are a) I am lazy and b)I don’t see the point of having all the cute ingredients you need to have on hand to make cocktails.

I read a drink recipe and I’m like, BITTERS? Is my bitter ATTITUDE enough for that? Oh, I need to have simple syrup? Sounds COMPLICATED. Meanwhile I’m looking at my cupboard and I’m thinking, is there a cocktail that just calls for boxed white wine, Cheerios and a Turkish pickle? No? Then I’m shit out of luck.

Shit you really ought to read         

This is an exemplary piece of journalism digging into the INSANE history of that evil couple that threatened protesters with guns. First-person impact of China’s new security law. I am begging you, if you read nothing else today, read this COVID-19 diary.