Cracks: The gift that keeps on giving
Happy Hondadays from the entire Cracks Corporation! It’s been a wild year, filled with multiple Reba McEntire and Baby Yoda updates, a myriad of dead or injured pigeons, and several possible sex offenders on Craigslist. While many of us may be having a slightly different holiday this year (so gonna miss making small talk with a 70 year old cousin y’all!!) the pro is that we can all wait until after Christmas and blame our late gifts on “the pandemic” or “the guvmint.” So, without further ado, here’s a very special last minute Cracks-approved Christmas gift guide!
For the person who says they like “all music except country and rap”
Who among us doesn’t love a busted off-brand Tweety bird “Conway Tweety” t-shirt?
For the person with cold birds
Speaking of tweety, let’s soothe some chickens!
For the body builder in your wife’s rolodex
Now my understanding is that you can no longer buy Sylvester Stallone’s high-protein puddings , but something tells me a guy on Craigslist in Maspeth definitely has a box of these hanging around.
For the casual Seinfield fan
$2,000 for Kramer’s shirt honestly seems like a steal.
For the person who wants to imprison their cat
A cat prison seems right for this type of person!
For that guy who likes his watch way too much
God damn it I’m so sick of winding my watch…I would pay…I would pay $2,500 to never have to wind it again!!!!
For that person who wants to show you how cool their gadgets when you literally could not care less that they spent hundreds of dollars on what is essentially a Tamagotchi
Look if Jeff Bezos is gonna spy on me, I’m gonna do it with a smile on my damn face.
When you want to wow your “lover”
Me and my lady, we get up to some pretty crazy stuff…like reenacting the Nuremburg trials.
Hopefully one of these last-minute gifts work out! And on an administrative note, I’ll be on holiday until 2021, see you soon for another year filled with laughs, love, and leprosy. And with that, I’ll leave you all with some holiday cheer: