Clown paraphernalia
I don’t know who needs to hear this but I wish to god people would stop putting modern music soundtracks in period movies. Nobody needs to hear AC/DC in Pride and Prejudice, and we all know it. What I wouldn’t give for a dramatic violin overlaying a scene of a woman dying of TB. Some of us are LOOKING for historical accuracy you cretins.
Theme music for this newsletter
You ever ride a wave and feel your whole life crumbling?
Pigeon Report
It’s amazing to think that Sen. Chuck Grassley is one of the few people with the power to decide who will be the next Supreme Court justice. Honestly, based on his spelling in this alone, I would venture to say a pigeon might be better at his job than him. Hell, why not just nominate a pigeon to the supreme court…literally nothing could get worse.
Grade: A, for the pigeon F- for the deranged pigeon-killing Senator
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
You know what I think about all the time? Leonardo DiCaprio’s dedication to riding Citibikes in NYC with his various teen girlfriends. As someone who spends a lot of time in grocery store lines, I started noticing several years ago that 70% of the candid paparazzi photos of Leo are him on a Citibike with various European and Brazilian models. Don’t believe me?
Exhibit A
What does it all mean? I have no idea. Where is he going? I have no idea. But somewhere out there he’s probably on a Citibike right now. Every time I push aside an Italian tourist to grab the last Citibike on the dock, I wonder…will I see him today? Will his grizzled, bloated (formerly hot) visage greet me as I almost get hit by a Uber driver and the light leaves my eyes?
Answer: He’s doing great, and burning those calories babbbbby!
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
I could truly have a dedicated section just for weird clown paraphernalia I find on Craigslist every week.
Hints from Hellouise
Yessssss it’s getting cool enough for me to turn on my oven again! Gonna make so many freaking casseroles and roasted meats.
I’ve had two beautiful duck thighs in my freezer for months and I can’t stop thinking of making a “duck au vin” in my cast iron pan with some bomb-ass root vegetables cooking in duck fat. Somebody marry me, amirite ladies?
Shit you really ought to read
Scamming Jerry Springer. Some people are happy with their old clothes. COVID influencers are FASCINATING to me.