Born to die in a Barnes and Noble
I promise you, that if you put a piece of paper in front of your cat, that within half an hour the cat will end up sitting on it. And you can take that to the BANK.
Theme music for this newsletter
I’ve been listening to Rumor Has It by Reba a lot lately, and you guys, it’s so good. The whole album kind of sounds like a countrified Bangles album, which if you know me, is right up my alley,
Pigeon Report + The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
I swear on Mel Gibson’s antique bible stolen from a museum in Iraq that I am NOT the person sending hate mail referenced in this post.
Or am I? 😉
Grade: A+ Even my heart isn’t so cold that the idea of a disabled lonely pigeon doesn’t make me sad
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
Lana del Rey, at it again my friends! This lady…*shakes head*.
Ms.del Rey was at a reading of her new poetry book, Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass, (Suck it W.WHITMAN!!!!) and chose to…wear a mesh mask. The vitriol in this USA Today article about it is delightful, “wearing a sparkly – and medically useless – mesh face mask.” USA Today! The Sass! I never knew you had it in you. They describe her as the “Born to Die” singer…the SHADE (Is that shade? Ugh I’m a white lady please kill me.)
But what about the poetry? I don’t know but apparently, it’s either super amazing because of fake coffee stains, or really bad because of oil stains.
Answer: Not okay. Can you imagine dying from COVID you caught at a Lana del Rey Barnes & Noble event?
Hints from Hellouise
*Barack Obama voice* Folks, why haven’t I made my own salsa prior to this? I invented this recipe Friday and it was so delightful I honestly could have just scooped it in my mouth like soup. Here’s my recipe, please adjust as you see fit:
Four Anaheim peppers (cuz they were what I had chilling around the house)
Half a large tomato (or maybe one medium sized tomato?)
A bunch of cilantro (as much as your heart desires)
Garlic
Shallots
Juice of two limes (I used two old limes that were near death so one normal lime likely is the same)
Red wine vinegar
Olive oil
Cumin
Some salt
Black pepper
1. Roast the peps. I did it right on my burners which is fun because I like playing with fire and also, it’s faster than turning on my oven. Pull off charred skin (the pepper, not your own.)
2. Throw peppers, chopped tomato, chopped shallots, garlic, basically all the stuff on this list into a food processor
3. Give it a few hearty pulses on “low”
4. Pour it down your mouth or eat it with a chip
Shit you really ought to read
As someone who enjoyed a fair share of Harry Potter fanfiction in high school, I loved this. From Tragedy to trailblazer. Still deciding if I am a not-sweet dessert person.