Better than yogurt

The other day I fell down a wormhole of mysticism, magic, anti-Greek sentiment, and misplaced football predictions when I learned of the famous seer Baba Vanga, who apparently predicted Trump and 9/11, among other bad things, before her death in 1996.       

For those not aware, I spent several years of my childhood in Bulgaria and I NEVER heard of Baba Vanga, which is wild because I’m pretty sure this is one of the most significant gifts Bulgaria has given the world (outside of popularizing Yogurt.) Most Babas in Bulgaria just yell at you for not wearing a sweater when it’s 80 degrees out, so it’s exciting to learn they can do other things.

Baba Vanga is an ICON. Lifted by a tornado and given magical powers? Forced to support her entire family as a young woman? Put on the state payroll by a communist country to do full-time magic? You love to see it.

If only Baba Vanga was here right now, I think we all know what we would ask her…

Where did I put my phone? Oh wait, never mind, found it.

Theme music for this newsletter        

Have I ever told you you’re my lil’ blond-headed stompie wompie real gone surfer boy?

Pigeon Report       

Is it any surprise that Mike Tyson, a man with a history of violence, is abso-fucking-lutely obsessed with pigeons? Not only that…they INSPIRED him to fight? We can also thank him for THOUSANDS of the birds plaguing our skies. A veritable personal pigeon fleet.

Occasionally I wonder, “am I too hard on pigeons”? Then I read something like this, and I know I am 100% NOT overreacting about pigeons, they’re the worst. Boy do these two ever deserve each other.

Grade: F, duh

Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers     

Please please please let this rumor that Dolly Parton will pose for Playboy be true. We need ONE good thing in 2020!!!

Answer: I mean, this would be rad, so yes, we’re all okay

The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently            

Explain even ONE thing happening in this photo:

Hints from Hellouise         

For the first time in my adult life, I’m doing the CSA thing occasionally (on an as-needed basis) this year and like, maybe that makes me a bougie mom but I don’t care!!! I get so bored with cooking during the pandemic, getting a grab bag of vegetables is kind of fun. What should I do with rainbow chard? I have no idea but it’s the most interesting thing I have going on in my life right now

Shit you really ought to read             

The disturbing way we commodify the pain of black women. Farmworkers on the frontlines of the pandemic. This makes me want to go to Siberia so badly!!! Who doesn’t love a juicy scammer story?