Baets by Drae
So, uh, something about this week feels a little but like we’ve been through this before, no? A few weeks ago, I realized I needed new headphones, so I went to my local dollar store and bought the first ones they handed to me. I didn’t realize until I plugged them into my phone that they were “baets” headphones. I felt like I had been transported to a different timeline, where people all used “baets” by “drae” headphones. What exists in this alternate timeline? Who knows? What I’m trying to say is that this week is kind of my “baets.” An uncanny valley type of situation.
For what it’s worth they broke 48 hours later. Do with that information what you will.
Theme music for this newsletter
I cannot figure out why this video was banned from MTV in 1984. Was kitsch outlawed back then? All I can say, grateful I can watch this now, as the aesthetic is exactly how I dress most weekends. What’s the name for this aesthetic? That kind of 80’s does 60’s Pee-Wee Herman type of style? Because that’s me, that’s what I like. I own literally five B&W polka-dot dresses right now and I do not intend to stop anytime soon. JUST TRY. Take them out of my sweaty lil’ paws, just TRY.
Pigeon Report
I keep forgetting to mention this insane exchange that went down about a lost pigeon in my neighborhood community Facebook group. The group exists mostly for a) people to ask for food recommendations; b) complain about stolen mail; c) argue about dogs and cops; and d) share lost pigeons.
What I don’t understand is why Joan, down here in the comments so knowledgeable about pigeon euthanasia. What does she know that I don’t? Are pigeons like horses where they get a cold, and someone is like, “I’m sorry but we need to shoot him in the head immediately, no way getting around this cold.” People are always killing horses for the craziest shit in movies. Sore foot? Death. Migraine? Death. Backsass? Death. Why can’t we just let horses chill for a second!?
But I digress. Pigeons similarly aren’t much for self-healing if string around their gross little legs is cause for death row.
Grade: C? Idk man, like, good for this lady rescuing this injured pigeon, but also why?
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
J. Lo got a cat! I’m so happy for her. And it’s exactly as freaky/high-falutin as a legend like Jenny deserves. Hendrix is sooooo ugly-cute and I want this cat so bad, but instead I’m stuck with a fat tabby, like the rest of America. I just KNOW Ben Affleck and her have a healthy relationship because you don’t just bring a freaky cat home if things aren’t going well. You just don’t. They’re committed to each other, and this lil’ Gremlin, and I’m committed to all three of them!!
Answer: We’re all doing great!
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Oh around here? The only pests we have are FANCY MICE. All they do is eat through the brie and caviar. *Sigh* Worth every penny though.
Shit you really ought to read
The “Gutfeld” experience. The best part of XMAS. Grapefruits can ruin your life.