Am I mentally ill enough for an Ivy League?
The longer I must work from home, the more I worry that my workplace professionalism, which always felt tenuous at best, is breaking at the seams, as my full stupidity bursts forth. Some days my brain feels like a veritable ocean of rancid jam held in a paper pint bottle, as bees swarm around, waiting for the bottle to burst. The bees=everyone on the work Zoom call.
The other day I was asked to create some professional Zoom backgrounds we could use at work. This is not that weird of an ask, and I did do it. But I don’t know if this was asked for…in addition. The bottle hath burst.
Theme music for this newsletter
I used to think Reddit was just for white nationalism and MRAs and it for sure is, but I am also very intrigued by people posting relationship drama on Reddit. If you know me, you know I LOVE drama where I know no one involved, so I decided to make an account a month or so ago. I really like it. It reminds me of “old internet” when I used to go onto Clash-focused AOL chat rooms to discuss the merits of Joe Strummer’s hair.
Reddit is a very useful tool to discover obscure music, especially given that I am unlikely to be digging in a foreign flea market any time within the next two years. Here’s a recent discover for me, a groovy little number from Peruvian garage band Los Texao, complete with extended flute solo.
Pigeon report
Cracks received a hot tip to our pigeon report line about the rampant drug dealing going on within the pigeon community. Though this story is older, I can say anecdotally this is likely still happening. I am not judging the pigeons for dealing ketamine, if it’s to HUMANS, but it seems a little messed up for pigeons to squander illicit substances on themselves. To them ketamine probably tastes exactly like the expired canned dog food they pecked at for breakfast. I mean, maybe it does? I’ve never tried ketamine but I did once submit my name to be a subject in a Columbia University study on the effects of ketamine on mentally ill people, and they never got back to me which was devastating for my self-esteem. Not mentally ill enough…FOR AN IVY LEAGUE?
Grade: B, maybe the ketamine will help them be less awful
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
If I have to live in hell after watching this Tik Tok video of John “Papa John” Schnatter giving a tour of his 3rd Reich-style mansion, so now, must you. Nothing like walking into your home each night to be greeted by a gigantic statue of…eagles mating? Then he shows us his library (if this guy has read a book besides “Mein Kampf” then I’m Dame Judi Dench), where he “films his videos,” which I assume mostly consist of apology videos he has to make every time he does something insanely racist. To add insult to injury he’s wearing one of the many “Papa” shirts he owns.
Answer: I wish I could find a way to make this man have a bad day. Is that wrong? Though, full disclosure, I *whispers* love that disgusting Papa John’s garlic sauce. In my defense, I mostly grew up in Colorado, a place not known for pizza or “quality.”
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Anyone interested in writing a lite-academic, non-proselytizing summary of Genesis?
Hints from Hellouise
This week, our friend and neighbor Bettina offered to make my erstwhile Boyfriend™ and I dinner this week after I complained about how much I hate my own food now (I really kind of do at this point!!) That’s fucking amazing, right? We should all start doing this for each other!
Dinner was dope, and she kindly provided the recipe for the Chicken Marbella she made so you can live vicariously. Really excellent and as someone who has deep respect and love for capers, I was especially into this. Also, because Bettina is like, actually good at food, she provided some super interesting context to the Silver Palate recipes. It is amazing to think about how most recipe books before the 80’s were just aspic salads or 55-part French recipes with ingredients you could literally never find on planet earth. Maybe we do live in simpler times now!
Also, I would highly encourage you to sign up for her newsletter Make it Delightful which has really good recipes and cooking tips, and drink recipes that make me want to throw a dinner party (in an alternate universe where we can all hang, and also I have a bar cart where I don’t promptly drink all the alcohol on said cart a week before the party.)
Shit you really ought to read
Sex work during a pandemic. Essential workers on the frontlines at Kroger. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were an adorable couple!! Dr. Luke still sucks.