A laundry list of heinous crimes
Yaaas, I went old-school again this weekend and got yet another illness that has largely been eradicated, or can be avoided if basic precautions are taken. I’m feeling so vintage lately! Forget a twee revival, and roll out the ol’ hoop and stick, because I’m taking us WAY back.
Theme music for this newsletter
If ever a club banger was written for me, lyrically, this is it. How many times have I cried in the club? Enough.
The new FKA Twigs mixtape is bangin’. A turn further towards straight-forward pop but still weird, so we’re all good. And as always, exquisite dance choreography in this video.
Pigeon Report
I was just saying to my boyfriend (look my conversation partner options currently are him or a mean cat,) about past lives and reincarnation, and it seems awfully suspicious to me that everyone always seems to be the reincarnation of like…George Washington or Thomas Edison (ugh, vom) but rarely is anyone bragging about being a pigeon in a past life. There are many pigeons, and a lot of people, and statistically most of us are pigeons, which would also explain why I’m always eating fried chicken off the ground.
Grade: A? Idk man I’m just riffing today.
Are you okay? Checking in on my favorite d-listers
While laid up with a fever the only thing I had energy to do was read fan theories about the weird church Mary Cosby from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City runs, and whether it’s a cult. If you are not familiar with Mary Cosby, she is, unequivocally the most kookoo-bananas weirdo on any real housewives franchise ever (I’m counting Danielle Staub in here.) In season 1 her big drama was that she told one housewife that she “smelled like hospital” after the other housewife came back from visiting her double-amputee aunt. It was triggering for Mary because she had her odor glands removed…what?
She’s also married to her step-grandpa. I don’t even know where to start, with that one. He also co-runs her church, and they own a franchise of restaurants. There are many cult-like elements to the church, which doesn’t come as a surprise when you start a church with your lover-grandpa. Anyways, I’m just here to remind you Mary exists, and I still have a weird soft spot for her. She reminds me of a less commanding Ma Anand Sheela (of Wild Wild Country/Rajneesh cult) who has the best girlboss-cult vibes of any cult leader. You don’t see too many female cult leaders, do you? Will we ever have feminism until we have an equal number of women taking advantage and abusing people in the name of power and money???
Answer: Ummm well the people in the cults aren’t doing too hot, but Mary and Sheela are doing great!
The weirdest shit I saw on Craigslist recently
Oh okay, so now wanting to marrying Jesus is against the law? Cancel culture has gone too far.
Shit you really ought to read
I just finished Elvira’s memoir, which was a romp and a bomp